Repost from Dragonwhimsy.net from Nov 9th, 2009 because it was important.

The title is a song by Avril Lavigne and it pretty much represents my entire life at the moment. Not Rhune’s life or Ruby’s life, but their typists. Probably didn’t notice right? No you probably didn’t. I’m too good at pretending everything is fine.

But everything is not fine. I am NOT alright. Sometimes I wonder how it is no one around me has noticed.

Deep within my own mind I scream and rage… cry and lay broken… and when I do not feel those I am too numb to feel anything.

Time has passed since we ended. I thought the feelings were supposed to fade? They’re not fading. I don’t think it’s supposed to be this way. I think something is wrong.

It’s not like I haven’t had closure. I know why we broke up. I know where things went wrong. I’ve had my last conversation with her. I’ve gotten to say goodbye. The feelings should be fading now. I’ve done everything one is supposed to in order to move on.

I really should. She certainly has.

I have certainly tried. But then I’ll remember the sound of her voice, her playful smile, her loving words. They still make me smile, how do you let something like that go?

I need to dump all her e-mails and pictures. I need to delete the link to her photobucket and pandora profile pages. I REALLY need to eliminate her from my gmail contact list. Seeing when she is online is not helpful. Nor is her gmail contact picture amusing and cute as it is, as it always is no matter how many times she changes it.

I realize that. I really do.

Maybe tomorrow.

Interesting fact: Did you know if the sorrow is great enough you can scream and it’s completely silent? I do. Never felt so close to Faylian either. Which is why I don’t play her currently.