I don’t want to dwell on her here. This journal is about moving on from her and becoming the person I want to be. I think what she has given me should be honored here first however.

And…

I should say goodbye, even if she is unlikely to ever read this.

…………

I will always remember you Tara. You were the first person I ever fell in love with. You were loving, playful, adoring, so very sweet, and sensual… all at the same time. You made me feel good to be me. You gave me a glimpse of what I always wanted.

You were my Lioness. Both cuddly and sexy.

I enjoyed spending time with you so very much. I could talk to you for hours without end (and did). It didn’t matter what we were talking about. I just wanted to hear the sound of your voice.

It still seems strange I will never hear that voice again. Never see you on webcam. Never see your smile.

No more *growly purrs*.

You made me feel like I wasn’t alone for the first time in my life.  Now that it’s over I wouldn’t undo it. I will always treasure the memory. Or will when the pain dies a little more.

I know our relationship wasn’t real. It was a dream we both created because we needed it. I wasn’t ready yet while being so very far away and you were too much in a rush to let a normal relationship grow. You need to live NOW while you can.

You needed someone nearby. You needed someone with their life together. Not someone still trying to figure it all out. You’re doing that yourself already. If we’d had more time… maybe it could have worked. Maybe we could have fixed them together as partners. But you simply don’t have time for that. It’s now or never for you.

You gave me my happiest moments in life so far. I’m bitter about that… because they weren’t your happiest. Yours were with… him. But a gift is a gift. I still had that moment and nothing can take it away from me. And having had it, I know I can have it again with someone else.

I know I will in fact.

I wish you luck with him. I understand why you did what you did. I don’t blame you for it anymore. You handled it wrong, and if you’d been honest we could have still been friends. But I don’t hate you for it.

I hope the years you’re allowed with him are the brightest and most joyful of your life and you are never given reason to regret your choice.

Live well Tara.

-For the last time, your Tiger.